Xiaolin Warriors vs Discord
by DragonNutt
Summary: The Bird of Paradise named the Xiaolin monks' greatest qualities, but one day a god of chaos felt like stirring up trouble. Where did he come from? It doesn't make sense! Then again, what fun is there in making sense? (Contains mild swearing.)
1. God of Chaos

Clay had grown used to the strange goings-on that came with the duties of a Xiaolin Warrior. Over the years, the team had fought a demon plant, a giant drooling cyclops, an army of green monkeys, and an evil talking bean. And that didn't even count their more regular opponents. Strange things were guaranteed when you were a Xiaolin Warrior.

However, chocolate rain was a tad bit odd even by their standards.

"Most fascinating," said Omi, watching the puddles grow brown and sticky across the obstacle course. Standing under the porch with the others, he turned to Master Fung. "Is this the work of the Heylin side?"

When Master Fung didn't answer right away, Raimundo said, "My guess: end of the world. Again."

He directed a cheeky smirk at Master Fung, but it fell when he got no response, not even a glare. Instead, their teacher turned to them and said, "I'm afraid that I do not recognize this phenomenon."

Lightning cracked down onto the obstacle course, making them jump. Then a dark laugh began to echo over the temple, and the four monks automatically shifted into defensive battle poses.

"Reveal yourself, evil challenger!" Omi cried out. "And prepare for a most humiliating defeat!"

"Oh, that's harsh," a low voice hissed behind his ear. "Who said I was evil?"

Kimiko jabbed a fist at the voice and only succeeded in giving Omi some mild head trauma.

"Now, now, we mustn't resort to violence," said the voice, now behind Raimundo and taking the form of a serpentine shadow. Kimiko made another swing at the invisible intruder, but Raimundo grabbed her fist to stop her from hitting him as well.

"This mysterious voice is correct," said Omi, rubbing the bruise forming behind his ear. "He would have us fighting each other."

"Why, that's right, young Omi!" the shadow cackled. "Xiaolin Dragon of the Water, if I am not mistaken."

Omi raised his chin and stood straighter. "I see you have heard of me."

"And an ego to match! How cute."

"Who are you?" Raimundo asked, stepping between the shadow and Omi.

"No need to get so protective, Raimundo. You haven't been leader for long."

The rain stopped, and the shadow swirled out into the open field. Before their eyes, it took shape, growing mismatched limbs, wings, and antlers. Two yellow eyes glinted like a cat's spotting a family of baby birds. Before it could open its mouth, Clay spoke up.

"Discord?" he said, incredulous. The other monks turned and stared at him.

"You know this guy?"

"Uh…" Clay tilted his hat down and avoided eye contact.

"So my reputation precedes me," said Discord, frowning a little. "Was it Celestia? That blabbermouth. Never thought she could spread word all the way here from Equestria."

"Equestria?" Omi echoed. "Like riding horses?"

"I think you mean 'equestrian,' Omi," said Kimiko.

"Hang on," Raimundo said, still looking at Clay. His eyes were narrowed as if he were mentally piecing something together.

Discord snapped two of his clawed fingers, and the temple vault disappeared with a pop. Ignoring the monks' startled cries, he said, "A challenge, then! Accept it, and you get back all your _shen gong wu_. All you have to do is find me and defeat me. You are mighty warriors, after all, so hopefully you'll be more fun than those boring little ponies!"

Discord swirled and flew towards the obstacle course, which grew and changed into a massive maze. He dove down and disappeared within it.

Kimiko put her hands on her hips. "I'm guessing we don't have a choice in the matter?"

Raimundo was still staring at Clay. He crossed his arms, grimaced, and said, "Please tell me this has nothing to do with that _My Little Pony_ show that's been spamming the internet."

Clay glared. "What? A cowboy can't like cartoons?"

"A _girl's_ cartoon—"

"This is not the time for discussion," Master Fung said. "Discord is a serious threat and must be dealt with accordingly."

Raimundo pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, whatever. Clay, just tell us what you know about this guy, and we'll take him down."

"You can count on me, Master Fung!" Omi said. "I shall not fall to this most fearsome opponent!"

After Clay gave his teammates the gist of Discord's powers and strategies, the four of them stepped into the maze. There they heard an evil laugh that could give Jack Spicer a run for his money. The ground shook as leaves and branches erupted between each of them, forming walls that split the four apart and closed up the entrance. As the four shouted to each other and Raimundo attempted to organize the chaos, Discord chuckled to himself and considered his first victim.


	2. Loyalty

Omi heard his friends calling out in alarm.

"What just happened?"

"Dagnard, I forgot he was going to split us up!"

"What?! Clay, I told you to tell us everything! Hold on, I'll fly over the thing. Wudai Star Wind!" Omi listened for the tell-tale sound of wind whirling over the maze, but there was only silence.

"What's going on? My powers aren't working!"

"Let me try," Kimiko said. "Wudai Mars Fire!" Omi jumped away from the maze wall, ready for it to light up in flame, but once again, nothing happened.

"Ah, shoot, I was worried about this. That dirty snake took our powers away. He did the same thing to Twilight Sparkle and Rarity."

"You said he only took wings and horns away! We don't need those for our powers."

"Well, I reckon he don't want us using our elements to cheat."

"It's not cheating!" Raimundo shouted.

"This isn't fair!" Kimiko said. "No _shen gong wu_, no powers? How are we supposed to fight him now?"

"Y'all gotta stop yelling. He's letting us fight; that's what he wants. It's his specialty. He's gonna try and turn us against each other."

"So what do we do?" Kimiko asked.

"I say we try and meet up further in the maze," said Raimundo. "Thanks to Clay, we actually know what Discord's going to try on us. We just need to keep our guard up." He paused. "That means you, Omi."

"What?!" Omi said. "I'm not going to be corrupted! I am no fool!"

Discord's voice echoed behind him, "Your leader has no faith in you, does he?"

Omi turned around and froze. Discord had taken the form of a giant squirrel. With a single buck tooth, the creature grinned. "I'm sorry. Am I frightening you?"

"Of course not. I have overcome my fear of large rodents." Trying to quell his shaking, Omi noticed that it was silent on the other side of the maze wall. He called out, "Raimundo? Clay? Kimiko?"

"I guess they've abandoned you," Discord said.

"They would never do that. They are my friends."

"Ugh, gag, again with the friendship thing. What is it with everyone and their precious friendships? Especially when your friends are clearly dragging you down."

"Dragging me down?"

"Why, of course. I am a god of chaos. I know everything about you, Omi. You are obviously the best of the four."

"Well, yes, but they are still my teammates—"

"Think of how much further along you would be in your training without your friends around. Kimiko's temper, Raimundo's laziness, Clay's dullness…"

"Yes, they have unfortunate flaws…" Omi blinked. He jumped back and crouched into a fighting stance. "Wait! I see through your most heinous bag of trickeries and lies! You are trying to corrupt me! Well, I'll have you know that I shall never join the dark side!"

"The dark side?" Discord threw his head back and burst into laughter. "Oho, you are far more fun than Rainbow Dash! I knew this would be good!"

"Rainbows do not dash. Prepare for battle, Discord!"

"Ha ha ha! It just keeps getting better!" Discord gasped for air as his laughter shook him. "But we are getting off topic, aren't we? I'll have you know, I am not evil."

"You're not?"

"I have the power to do anything, Omi, yet I have not hurt any of you, have I? I just like to have fun!"

"Well, your fun is causing me and my friends much grievance."

"Again with the friends. Why are you so attached to those wannabes anyway? You are clearly the hero of your story. Why not take charge instead of letting Raimundo hog the spotlight? You don't need your friends to defeat me, do you?"

Their eyes locked. Omi started to feel dizzy. It felt like the world was spinning.

"You were meant to be a lone wolf, Omi. Take the spotlight!"

Omi felt something in him break apart and leave an empty hole behind. He smiled. "I don't need my friends," he said. "Not to defeat you. I _am_ a lone wolf."

He jumped forward and cried out, "Horse Playing Fiddle!"

Discord changed shape and whipped out of the way, leaving Omi to crash into the leafy wall. Watching the boy's little legs kick helplessly in the air, Discord grinned.

"Oops, I forgot," he said. "Wolves hunt in packs."


	3. Kindness

Raimundo called out, "Omi? Omi, are you there? Guys, I can't hear him anymore."

"Do you think Discord got him?" Kimiko asked.

"Everyone head into the maze!" he ordered, charging forward.

"Hold on there, partner, that's exactly what the ponies did!"

"I'm not a stupid pony, Clay!" he shouted back, still running. "And I'm not going to let Discord get to me!"

"You tell him, mighty leader," Discord's distant voice chuckled. Raimundo skidded to a stop, and the wall to his left crumpled away. He leaned back, bending his knees in preparation for battle, but the dust fell away to reveal Omi collapsed amongst the leaves.

"Omi, are you alright?" Raimundo ran over to his friend, but as Omi stood, he flinched back. Omi's features had turned monochrome. His skin and clothes were gray from head to toe. "Omi?"

The boy looked up at him with an expression of disinterest. "Oh, it's you."

"You're not Omi," Raimundo said, taking a step back.

"Of course I'm Omi. That crafty Discord may have pulled a sweater over my eyes, but I am still quite fit for a most glorious battle."

"Okay, you're the real deal. But what happened? Why are you gray? Did Discord do this?"

A chuckle echoed from above them. "I think it's an improvement. Much better than that eyesore yellow."

As Discord took shape in front of them, Raimundo winced. Discord had turned into a giant jellyfish.

"Take his left, Omi!" Raimundo called, springing into action. He spun in the air and aimed a kick at Discord, but a tentacle grabbed him by the ankle and effortlessly threw him down.

Coughing, Raimundo looked up to see that Omi had not moved. The boy's arms were crossed in front of him as he gave his leader a look of utter disdain.

"Omi, help me! You said you were ready for battle."

"I am," Omi said. "That doesn't mean I want to fight at _your_ side."

Raimundo stood and whirled to face Discord. "What did you do to him?"

"You don't like it? I thought he was more interesting this way. Now his ego can swell up to the size of the moon!"

Raimundo shook with rage. "What did you do, Discord?"

"I just took one little bit of his personality," Discord said, "and I reversed it. It wasn't hard. That Bird of Paradise spelled out exactly what his best quality was."

Raimundo blinked. "I remember the Bird of Paradise. It told us that our greatest strengths come from within." He turned and glanced back at Omi, who had conjured up a reflective sheet of ice and was using it to look at himself, ignoring them both. "You took away his loyalty, didn't you?"

"Ooh, I was right! You are the smart one!" Discord put a tentacle under his mushroom top as if putting a finger on his chin. Eyes that didn't belong popped onto the surface of the mushroom, and he peered down at Raimundo. "But that's not your _best _quality, is it?"

"Nope," Raimundo said, crossing his arms and glaring.

"So enlighten me, great Dragon of Wind. What did the Bird of Paradise say was _your_ greatest quality?"

Raimundo squared his shoulders. "Kindness."

"_No_," the jellyfish gasped. "That can't be right. You don't act anything like Fluttershy."

"I don't know what a Fluttershy is," Raimundo said. He crouched down, preparing to lunge. "You ever heard of the phrase, 'Kill it with kindness'?"

"No, no, no, this doesn't make sense," Discord said, waving his tentacles back and forth. "I thought you were the brave hero, not the _nice guy_."

Raimundo paused. "I _am_ brave, but the Bird said—"

"Come on, Raimundo, when have you ever been kind? You're not some doormat. Don't you think that bird got a little mixed up? What other qualities did it list?"

For some reason, Raimundo felt compelled to answer immediately. "Loyalty, courage and—"

"There you go!" Discord said, throwing up his tentacles in victory. "Courage! That's you!"

Raimundo shifted from one foot to the other, keeping doubtful eyes on the jellyfish. He suspected that Discord was trying to trick him somehow, but the words made too much sense. The Bird of Paradise hadn't flat-out _said_ that his best quality was kindness; she had just sort of looked at him when she listed it. Was it possible that the four of them had gotten their own greatest strengths mixed up all this time?

"Then whose quality is kindness?" he asked.

"Well, Clay, obviously. He fits the 'nice guy' persona to a T, don't you think?"

The jellyfish's eyes widened as it leaned closer to Raimundo, and swirls started to spin within them, locking his eye contact. "You're not like Clay, are you? You betrayed your own friends to join Wuya long ago; a nice guy wouldn't do that. And if I recall correctly, it was your bravery that got you back into the temple, wasn't it? It hasn't been _kindness _that got you this far; it was ruthlessness, determination, rebellion, and _courage_."

"I—I—" Raimundo wrenched his eyes away from Discord's dizzying gaze. "Gah!" He clutched at his hair, turning around and trying to walk away from the creature's logic. He found himself face to face with the monochromatic Omi.

"Are you done?" the young boy said. "Or has your incompetence brought you to defeat once again?"

Raimundo gritted his teeth. The last of his willpower was spent resisting the urge to punch Omi in the nose. Something in him broke.

"You're right, Discord," he said. "I'm not a nice guy." He turned and grinned at the creature, unaware that his body was turning as gray as Omi's. "And I'm not afraid of you."

He lunged, summoning his elemental powers. Discord lashed out his tentacles, catching Raimundo in mid-leap. Raimundo yelped as the stinging tentacles sent him soaring and crashing into a maze wall.

As Discord changed shape again and slithered upward into the sky, he murmured, "Ah, but Raimundo, the thing about courage is this: it can't exist without fear."


	4. Courage

Kimiko heard shouting.

"It looks like your most foolhardy attack resulted in defeat."

"No thanks to you, dude. Were you just too busy preening to consider helping out?"

She turned a corner that led toward the two voices. She called out over them, but they either didn't hear her or didn't care to respond.

"I have finally seen the truth, Raimundo. I have known all along that I was the wisest, most talented, most powerful of all the Xiaolin Dragons in training, but it was only now that I realized that you three are holding me back."

"Ha! You have got to be the stupidest runt I've ever met, Cheese Head."

"Coming from you, Raimundo, I fail to see how that's possible."

"Wanna know why you're stupid, Omi? Shall I give you a list?"

"I don't care what you do. Your opinion does not matter to me."

"Your idiocy has caused us more problems than all of the Heylin side combined. Lost the Heart of Jong? Check. Let an evil Dojo out of his cage? Check. Joined Chase Young? Check. Released Hannibal Bean? Check. Caused an alternate future where you got us all _killed_? Yeah, dude, check! Any of those things ring a bell? Face it, Chrome Dome, it's no wonder that you didn't become leader. You're the most useless member on the team. You're the one holding _us_ back."

Omi was now very quiet.

"You think you're hot stuff? You think the whole world admires you? The truth is, Omi, you are a waste of space. You're pathetic, you're stupid, and the world is laughing at you behind your back."

"You—you're a liar—" Omi's voice cracked.

"Go ahead and leave the team. See if I care. You'll be doing us all a favor. I give you two hours before you trip over your own ego and die. I'd say that I'll miss you, but you wouldn't know sarcasm if it bit your giant head off."

"I HATE YOU, RAIMUNDO!"

"That's quite a coincidence, Omi, since everyone else on the team hates _you_!"

Kimiko whipped around another corner and found the two shouting boys. Omi did not see her; he burst into tears and fled the other way into the maze. She stomped towards Raimundo, ready to give him his own verbal smackdown.

"What is your problem, Rai?" she yelled, slapping him upside the head. "He didn't deserve that!"

His hand lashed out and caught her wrist in a death grip, and he glared at her with cold, gray eyes. "Hit me again," he said, "and I'm hitting you back, you dumb bitch. Stay out of other people's business."

"What did you just call me?!" Kimiko shrieked.

"Silly Kimiko," a deep voice said from behind. She turned, yanking Raimundo. Her old broken doll, Tochika, blinked with one eye back up at her. It toddled forward, and the unnervingly deep voice said through it, "Losing your temper again, are we?"

"I don't lose my temper," Kimiko said, yanking her wrist out of Raimundo's grip. "I just express anger in a loud fashion."

Raimundo snorted. She flashed a glare at him and asked, "Is it just me, or are you being a bigger jerk than usual?"

"I didn't say anything," Raimundo said, smirking and crossing his arms. "But if you can't take the heat…"

"Just whose side are you on?" she snapped.

"Not yours, it appears," the doll said. "You're all alone."

"You—he—" Kimiko looked back and forth between the two before clenching her fists at Raimundo. "Are you serious? You switched sides _again_? You just became leader, Rai! How could you go and join Discord?"

Raimundo glared. "I haven't joined that freak, and I have not switched sides. Way to jump to conclusions, idiot." He glanced back into the maze. "Whatever. I'm out of here. Dissing Omi is more fun, anyway."

As he stalked off, Kimiko shouted, "Get back here, Rai! This isn't like you. You're a Xiaolin Dragon. Act like it!"

Raimundo ignored her and disappeared into the green shrubbery. She faced the broken doll again. It hadn't moved; it just stood there. Silently.

Kimiko suppressed a shiver. "Fine. I'll take you down myself."

"How do you plan to do that without any powers or _shen gong wu_, young lady?"

"Hey," she said, jabbing a finger at him. "Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't throw a good punch. I don't need any of the boys to beat you."

"Oh, but you do," Discord said. "And that's the worst part, isn't it? Poor Kimiko: the only girl in the entire temple, the lone lady of the household. It must be so frustrating living with boys, especially Omi, who judges everything you do because you're the only female he's ever lived with."

"Omi can judge me all he wants," Kimiko said. "I set a good example."

"Yes, such a role model, aren't you? You try so hard to be independent that you would rather toss aside your friends' help than admit when you need it."

"I'm not—I don't—"

"You can never afford to be helpless, can you? Got to set that example for Omi, right? Got to stay brave in the face of battle, no matter how scared you really are."

"I'm not scared," Kimiko said, trying to quell her shaking.

"Oh, but you are scared, cutie pie." The doll's plastic face contorted into a toothy grin. "Scared of showing weakness. Scared of needing help. Scared that your upper body strength really _is_ weaker than the boys', just like Omi has always said."

Kimiko took a step back before she realized what she was doing.

Discord said, "But most of all, little girl, you're scared of _me_. You don't understand me. You don't know how to fight me. What you _do_ know is that I've done something to your friends, something that I can very easily do to _you_."

The doll floated up and toward her, swirls appearing in its dead, broken eyes. Kimiko clenched her teeth and stumbled back. "No, no, you're wrong! You can't!" But even as she spoke, she felt tears falling down her cheeks, blurring the sight of the grinning doll.

Discord chuckled, and Kimiko's courage left her. She screamed, "Stay back! Leave me alone! I won't let you corrupt me!"

She turned and fled, and Discord murmured, "I already have."


	5. Strength: Part 1

_Author's notes: Uh-oh. Will Clay break the pattern, or is all hope lost?_

_Please Review! I really want to know if I'm getting their characterizations right (both discorded and otherwise)!_

Clay heard a shrill scream, but he kept his pace at a steady walk. He was not the type to hurry. Soon enough, someone thin and gray dashed around the corner and slammed into him. "Kimiko?" he asked, pulling her upright.

"Don't let him get me!" the Dragon of Fire wailed, clinging to his shirt. "He's going to corrupt me; I can't let that happen!"

"Ah shoot, he got you good," he said, shaking his head at his monochromatic teammate. "You're jumpier than a jackrabbit in a rattlesnake pit."

"This isn't the time for your stupid hometown idioms," she said, ducking behind him. "I have to hide before he gets here!"

"Have you seen the others?" he asked.

"I saw Rai, but he's acting weird. He made Omi cry."

Clay grimaced. "Discord must have got him, too."

"We have to get out of here! Forget the _shen gong wu_. We need to save ourselves!"

"The Kimiko I know wouldn't say that," said Clay.

Discord's voice echoed above, "She's not the Kimiko you know anymore." The two looked up, and the mismatched creature slithered over the maze wall and perched there, smiling down at them. Kimiko shrieked and ran. Smirking, Discord watched her go, and then he said, "Well, cowboy, it's just you and me."

Clay tilted his hat up to better see his opponent. "You're not gonna change into some other critter to trick me first?"

Discord put a paw to his chest and dropped his mouth open in mock surprise. "Mr. Bailey, I'm surprised at you. Accusing me of trickery! Why would I want to do that?" He floated down until they stood face to face. "Besides, I can shake things up if I want. So tell me, Dragon of Earth, what's your greatest quality?"

Clay smiled. "I reckon you already know, but I'll humor ya. It's strength."

Discord guffawed. "Your greatest strength is _strength_? You're so empty of personality that the Bird of Paradise had to judge you by your muscles?"

Clay shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a pretty laid-back fellow."

"And I was _so_ looking forward to my conversation with the brony. Here I was, expecting an epic battle of wits that would put your Xiaolin Showdowns to shame, and instead I get _you_."

"Not much I can do anyway," Clay said, "unless you got any Elements of Harmony somewhere in this maze."

"Sorry, I packed light." Discord floated toward the cowboy until their faces were inches from each other. "Welp, no point in the mind games if there's nothing in the mind to play with."

Flicking Clay's hat to the ground, Discord tapped him on the head. The Dragon of Earth felt his body turn as weak as his Aunt May's raspberry jelly. He swayed and collapsed, gray as stone, and Discord roared in triumph.

"Look at that! The master of chaos has won! You four put up even less of a fight than the ponies did! And you call yourselves the Xiaolin Dragons? I— what's this?"

Even as Discord spoke, the cowboy's color started to return, and Clay heaved himself to his feet. His eyes were a clear blue again as he looked up at Discord. Scratching his bright blond hair, Clay murmured, "Well, I'll be a day-old biscuit."

"That's impossible," Discord said, swirling back and glaring at him from afar. "No one has been able to resist my antithesis spell before."

"Well, I reckon no one has seen it coming before."

"Don't give me that. You expect me to think that you could resist it just because you're a brony? Don't make me laugh, you arrogant simpleton."

"Maybe you oughta have another go?"

The creature snarled and lunged forward. Clay braced himself, but the tap on his head was hardly rougher than before. Waves of gray passed over him, combating the colors of his skin and clothes. He gritted his teeth and thought of his friends, same as he had done the last round.

Discord said, "You're alone, cowboy. Your friends are all brainwashed. You have no magic that can help them, nor anything that can stop me!"

"That may be," Clay said, "but I ain't quitting yet."

Discord bared his teeth, and the claw planted on Clay's head pressed down harder. Clay clamped his eyes shut. He could feel his muscles weakening again, but his thoughts remained locked on his teammates.

As if reading his mind, Discord said, "Omi's a quitter, Raimundo's a jerk, and Kimiko's a coward. They're not even your friends anymore, Clay. There's no point in fighting for them!"

"That's where you're wrong, Discord," he said, opening his eyes. "I'm the Dragon of Earth. I'm the anchor. No matter what my friends are going through, I need to stay steady for them."

Colors started to spark around the two, and Discord pulled his body as far back as he could while keeping one claw shoved onto Clay's head. "How are you—?"

Clay wasn't finished. "I don't know how to stop you. I reckon there ain't a lot I can do to help my friends, either. But I ain't quitting. I'm staying strong because my friends are counting on me, and I refuse to lose to you!"

At his words, a cascade of colors erupted around them, sending Discord flying. He smashed into a maze wall, scattering leaves and broken branches. He recovered quickly, though, whipping back up into the air to glare down at the cowboy.

"How did you do that?" Discord roared.

"Well, I don't know where the colors all came from, but I'll tell you one thing." Clay walked to where his hat had fallen. "When the Bird of Paradise said my greatest quality was strength—" He picked up his hat and dropped it back on his head, "—she wasn't talking about the outer kind."

_Part 2 coming soon! _

_Again, please review—I'm really curious about whether my readers are XS fans or bronies (or both). Sorry there's not a lot of action; this is really meant to be a character analysis more than anything._


	6. Strength: Part 2

Lightning smashed across the cloudy sky, gleaming off of Discord's single fang as he snarled. The draconequus snapped his clawed fingers, and the maze came crashing down around them, shaking the earth.

"You think you've won, cowboy? I have more than one trick up my sleeve."

"So have I," Clay said. "But I keep my tricks somewhere else." Yanking off his hat, he pulled out a green, spotted rope. "Lasso Boa Boa!"

Throwing his hat back on with one hand, he flung the lasso at Discord with the other. The creature was stunned a split second before he scrambled backwards, but the rope looped around one of his horns, and Clay pulled it tight.

"Gotcha!" Clay said. "Texas style!"

Discord snarled. "Cute. But you haven't caught me yet." He tossed his head, sending Clay flying across the obstacle course and crashing into the alligator pit. Clay coughed at the water that flooded his nose, and he sat up. Pushing the plastic alligator heads out of the way, he jumped back out and landed with a thud in front of his opponent.

"Didn't I get rid of all your _shen gong wu_?" asked Discord, pulling off the Lasso Boa Boa and letting it drop.

"I always keep my favorites close by," Clay said, pulling the rope across the field and winding it back up. "And you never said using them was against the rules." He threw the _shen gong wu_ into use once more. "Lasso Boa Boa!"

The green rope flew at the draconequus, but Discord was prepared this time. He swirled out of the way with ease, letting the rope snag on a nearby bamboo stalk. With a snort, Discord said, "They grow 'em stubborn in Texas, don't they?"

His tail swung and wrapped around Clay's leg, lifting him upside-down into the air. "Perhaps I should remind you how hopeless you are." With that, Discord flung the Xiaolin Dragon across the obstacle course and over the tallest temple building.

Clay crashed into something thorny. Grimacing, he sat up and said, "That hurt worse than the business end of an angry bull." He looked around. He had landed in the rose bushes of the Xiaolin Temple gardens. He winced and swiped his hands across his arms, brushing off the thorns.

"Hey look, a flying fatass."

Clay looked up. Grinning, Raimundo leaned against one of the garden trees with his arms crossed. Kimiko was crouched on the other side, clinging to the bark and trembling. Omi perched high above, his hands gripping his knees. The features of all three were foggy gray.

"What are y'all doing here?" asked Clay.

"Hiding," said Kimiko.

"Inventing new disses," said Raimundo.

"They followed me," Omi said, gritting his teeth. "I want nothing to do with them anymore."

"Observe," Raimundo said to Clay, lifting a finger. Then he looked up and shouted, "Hey, Cheese Wedge! What are you doing up there? Shouldn't you be looking for the family you don't have?"

"Shut down, Raimundo!" said Omi.

"That's 'shut up.' Honestly, if you're too stupid to speak normally—"

Clay said, "Knock it off, Rai, before you say even more things that you'll regret."

"What do we do, Clay?" asked Kimiko.

"Well, I reckon if we defeat Discord, y'all will get turned back to normal. My Lasso Boa Boa doesn't really work, but I managed to resist his spell, so that's something."

"You may have a defense," Omi said, "but to defeat him, you would need a strong offense. I would be quite capable of providing that myself."

"Is that your way of volunteering for the task, little partner?"

"Of course not. I am quite content where I am sitting."

"Then I reckon I'm on my own for this one." Clay sighed and scratched his chin. "I wonder if I could turn him to stone with my elemental powers…"

"Our powers are gone, remember?" Kimiko said.

Clay nodded. "You're right. Maybe I could outsmart him?"

Raimundo burst out laughing. Clay scowled.

"Oh, right!" Raimundo said. "The hillbilly hick outsmarting a god of chaos! Face it, cowboy, you're all brawn and no brains."

"Now hold on, there, partner," Clay said. "I can take the weight jokes all day, but don't y'all dare start calling me stupid."

"I'll do whatever I want," Raimundo said, grinning, "because under all that fat is the brain of an earthworm."

"Earthworms don't have brains, Raimundo," Clay snapped. "They're from the family _Oligochaeta_, which means that they only have a cerebral ganglion. It works nothing like a human brain. Now shut your trap and let me think!"

Clay's outburst was met with a stunned silence. Then Omi clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle a giggle. Raimundo shoved his hands into his pockets and stalked off, ears turning red.

Kimiko grabbed onto Clay's sleeve. "He's too powerful, Clay," she said. "He could probably break the laws of physics if he wanted!"

"Aww, shoot, Kimiko, don't be ridiculous. He can't _break_ physics because—" Clay paused. "Well, I'll be a goat's nanny. Kimiko, that's it!"

"What's it?"

"Physics, Kimiko! I knew y'all would help me after all!" He pointed at her. "I'll use physics—" he pointed at Omi, "—as my offense—" he pointed at Raimundo, who had turned to stare, "—to outsmart him!"

"Yeah, okay," Raimundo said, scoffing. "Good luck with that."

"Y'all just wait here. I'll take care of it."

* * *

_Author's notes: I have always thought that Clay is a lot smarter than his demeanor implies. In canon, he knows some of the most obscure things, from the eating habits of spiders to the taxonomic species name of bottlenose dolphins._

_I welcome all reviews and critiques!_


	7. Entropy

Clay took a step forward, but then the ground began to shake again. Omi yelped as he fell from the tree, and Kimiko shrieked. Clay managed to catch Omi, and Raimundo and Kimiko both stumbled and latched onto the cowboy. Clinging to each other, the four looked up as a serpentine shadow rose from an opening crack in the ground.

"Outsmart me, you say?" said Discord, taking shape. "This sounds fun."

With a snap of his fingers, a microwave and a bag of popcorn materialized in the air in front of them. Discord tossed the bag into the microwave and tapped the end of the dangling cord. As the microwave beeped on, he crossed his mismatched arms and smirked at them.

Clay fought the urge to bite his lip, and he hoped that Discord couldn't read his mind. His trick would take an awful lot of wordplay. "Y'all ever heard of the Second Law of Thermodynamics?"

The other three stared. Discord rolled his eyes. A dozen textbooks appeared in a floating circle around him. He grabbed one, flipped it upside-down, and opened it, putting on a pair of materializing granny glasses.

He read, "A cyclic transformation whose only final result is to transform heat extracted from a source which is at the same temperature throughout into work is impossible. A cyclic transformation whose only final result is to transfer heat from a body—"

"That bit ain't what I'm getting at," Clay said. "Look up the part on entropy."

Raimundo said, "Am I the only one who has no idea what these two are talking about?"

"Nope," said Kimiko. "No idea."

"I must admit," said Omi, "even I am not familiar with these physical laws. Usually they do not apply to Xiaolin Dragons."

The floating microwave beeped, and Discord pulled out the contents. Dumping the popcorn over his shoulder, he started to eat the bag instead. "Entropy," he said, still holding the upside-down encyclopedia with his lion paw, "begins with the definition that if an amount of heat _Q_ flows into a heat reservoir at constant temperature _T_—"

"That still ain't it, Discord," said Clay.

The draconequus scowled and tossed the textbook at Clay. The other books flew, too. Clay flung his arms in front of his face, wincing as the books bounced off him and hit the ground.

"Enlighten us, then, cowboy," Discord said, tail twitching.

Clay left the books on the ground and pointed at Discord. He quoted, "'The entropy of the universe tends to a maximum,' said by Rudolph Clausius, one of the founders of thermodynamic law. Entropy is a measure of disorder: the higher the entropy, the greater the disorder."

"So what?" Discord said. "I can rewrite every single law of physics known to pony- or mankind."

Clay shrugged and smiled. "I reckon you don't want to do that."

"Why not?"

"Entropy. Disorder. It's chaos, Discord. Everything in my universe moves towards chaos."

"Why, how wonderful!" Discord said. "I should be right at home here."

"Well, it did, anyway," Clay said, nodding, "until you showed up. Everything here was chaos already, but you tried to control it."

Discord's face was blank. He raised an eyebrow.

"Chaos can't be controlled here. We can't organize anything without using up energy, and that just adds to the chaos. In the simplest terms, I'd say that's what the Law of Entropy _is_."

The books vanished with a snap of Discord's talons, and he frowned. "I fail to see how that—"

"But then you came riding into town. You started snapping your talons and making things pop in and out of existence, things that were part of the chaos."

Discord's eyes widened as something seemed to click into place. His tail lashed, and he clenched his paw and talons into fists. "You—that's not—I—"

"In Equestria, everything moves in harmony. That's why you have power there. But here? No one can control chaos; chaos is already a universal law. Yet you _are_ controlling it. Therefore, I reckon your existence is breaking the Law of Entropy. You're breaking a law _for chaos_."

"That can't—" Discord's mouth had fallen open, and his body's color started to fade—

"I don't need to defeat you. By breaking the Law of Entropy, you _reduce_ the universal chaos, and you _defeat yourself_!"

Discord roared. His body twisted and trembled, and he clutched at his horns. The cracks in the ground widened and splintered further—

Then Discord fell at Clay's feet, completely gray from nose to tail.

The other three monks gasped. On all fours, Discord bared his teeth at Clay like a cornered animal. The Dragon of Earth bent his legs, spreading his arms to block the draconequus from his friends. Breathing hard, Discord narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. Then he slowly rose up to his hind legs and said, "Well played, cowboy."

He snapped his talons one more time, and the temple vault popped back into existence. The puddles of congealing chocolate vanished, and the cracks in the ground sealed themselves. The moment that order was restored, the color returned to Discord's coat. He wrinkled his long nose at the garden scenery.

"I never thought I'd see the day that chaos became _boring_."

"Mighty sorry about that," Clay said, "but that's how it is around these parts."

The creature glared at him. "And I suppose you think I belong back in Equestria."

"I ain't gonna tell you where to go," Clay said, "but I reckon you'd have more fun there."

"So I would," Discord said. "Adieu, Dragon of Earth."

"Now hold your horses," Clay said, pointing back at the other three. "My friends are still discorded. Ain't you going to fix them?"

Discord glanced back at the three and grinned at Clay. "Nah."

"But you can't leave! You didn't even say how you got here in the first place!"

"You're a smart cookie," Discord said. "Why don't you figure it out yourself?" With a final chuckle, Discord vanished on the spot, leaving Clay behind with his discorded comrades.

Kimiko said, "How did you know all those things?"

Clay shrugged. "I know an awful lot of things, Kimiko. Biology, physics, geology... anything connected to my element." He scratched his head, shifting his hat.

"So you're a bigger nerd than Jack," Raimundo said, crossing his arms, "and you never told us?"

Clay turned to face his final three challenges. "Y'all never asked."

* * *

_One chapter to go! Feel free to review; I would like to know how you think Clay was portrayed. It's been implied several times in the show that Clay is smart. In fact, it's my headcanon that he is extremely book-smart but never bothers to say so. What do you think?_

Sources on Entropy:

EBchecked/topic/591572/thermodynamics/258543/Isoth ermal-and-adiabatic-processes?anchor=ref510511

wiki/Entropy_%28order_and_disorder%29


	8. Harmony

Finally done! I know I made you wait for this chapter, so I'm sorry it's not very exciting. It's just the fluffy resolution. Enjoy!

* * *

Clay rubbed his chin and shifted his weight as he studied the three discorded warriors. How could he restore his friends back to normal? Twilight Sparkle had never made it quite clear what her spell did. Was there a _shen gong wu_ he could use as the spell's equivalent? Which one?

"Your play of words has led to your victory," said Omi.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," said Raimundo.

Omi scowled. "This is most excellent for me. Now that evil has been defeated, I shall suggest to Master Fung that Raimundo be excused from the temple for failing to lead us to Clay's triumph."

"If you're trying to get away from us, Cheese Wedge, why don't _you_ leave? Another 'long walk' or something. We should never have come looking for you the first time."

"Perhaps I shall!" Omi said, clenching his fists and darting back toward the temple porch, where Master Fung and Dojo stared at them. "Master Fung, I am leaving forever. I do not need anyone to become a great Xiaolin Warrior, not even you!"

Master Fung raised his eyebrows, but Omi did not wait for a response. As the Dragon of Water dashed around the elder's legs to go inside, Dojo tilted his head at the other three. "Would anyone mind filling us in here?"

Raimundo snickered. "You can't figure it out yourself, gecko?"

Clay rolled his eyes. Before Dojo could express any outrage, the cowboy stepped forward and said, "The others were discorded and lost their best qualities. They aren't even the same people anymore."

Master Fung studied Kimiko, who was shaking and clutching at her ruffled blouse. "Then perhaps the solution is to remind them of who they are."

Clay blinked. "That's it!" Tipping his hat, he turned and said to Kimiko, "I'm going to go get the Wushan Geiser and Reversing Mirror. I reckon those are the two I need to help y'all out."

"Help us?" Kimiko asked, trembling. "But Discord is gone. I don't need help!"

"It's alright, partner," Clay said. "Everyone needs help sometimes."

"Not me!" said Kimiko. Clay hesitated. Tears were filling the girl's eyes. He glanced at Master Fung, who only nodded, and then he turned to face his friend.

"Is that what you're afraid of, Kimiko?" Clay asked.

"I'm not afraid," she said, choking on her words.

"Aww, shoot. There ain't nothing wrong with being scared, Kimiko. Remember when Jack got out all those camera bots, and I got stage fright?" She nodded. "And do you remember who saved me from falling over the waterfall that day?"

She shrugged and smiled. "I did."

"That's right, partner, and you know what else? I know you don't want to be helpless, but there ain't nothing wrong with needing help every once in a while. Remember when I was possessed by Sabini?" He suppressed a shiver. "I couldn't do a single darned thing to fight off that critter."

She gulped. "I broke the Mosaic Scale. I thought we'd never get you back."

"You were scared, weren't you?" At her pause, he said, "But that didn't stop you, did it? Sometimes you'll mess up, and sometimes you'll need help. But I know that won't keep you from fighting as hard as you can. You fought Sabini—"

"And I won the Monarch Wings," she finished. To Clay's surprise, the color was starting to return to her clothes and skin. She continued, "I knew I might fail, but I thought fast and faced my fears, just like Master Fung says we must always do!"

Clay stepped back and watched as Kimiko's eyes began to flash with color. She said, "I—I _do_ get scared sometimes. Scared of falling behind, scared that someday I won't be able to outsmart an enemy. But you know what?" She grinned at him, completely restored. "If that happens, I'll know my friends will always have my back!"

"There's our Dragon of Fire!" Clay said, raising a hand and meeting hers for a high five.

"Ugh, seriously?" she said, wiping her tears and staring at her palm. "I've been crying during all this? What happened to me?"

"Same thing that happened to him," Clay said, pointing at Raimundo. "And I'll need your help to get him back, partner."

Raimundo raised an eyebrow. "How heartwarming. We got Fatass and Miss Hair Dye bonding over friendship speeches."

"Ooh, I see what you mean, Clay," said Kimiko, turning to face the Dragon of Wind. "Discord made you a Grade A jerk, huh?"

"I've always been a Grade A jerk," said Raimundo. He looked pointedly at Clay as he added, "Nice guys finish last."

"Oh really?" she said. "What about when you boys were betting on when I would learn to find my focus, and you were the only one who voted in my favor?"

Raimundo blinked at her. Then he crossed his arms and turned his head away. "That was nothing. Omi needed someone to bet against."

Clay grinned and stepped forward. "Well, speaking of Omi, what about when he got lost in New York City, and you freaked out when we found him again? 'You're alive! Don't you ever scare us like that! We were so worried!'"

"I don't sound like that," Raimundo said, his eyebrows furrowing, "and so what? He's… really little. I thought he'd been kidnapped or something."

"Aww, you _do_ care," Clay said.

"Do not," Rai said, grimacing as if he realized how childish he sounded. Kimiko stepped forward until she stood right in front of him.

"A long time ago," she said, "you betrayed your team for recognition and power. Wuya offered you everything you could ever want." She raised an eyebrow. "Why'd you turn down the offer?"

Raimundo stared back at her, rubbing the back of his neck. Then, very slowly, the color started to return to his skin. He slumped his shoulders and said, "Because you guys are more important than toys, money, and Canada combined."

Kimiko grinned. Rai smiled back sheepishly and said, "Guess I'm only a jerk on the surface, huh?"

"Well, that doesn't mean you don't owe some people apologies," she said, hands on her hips.

"Right," he said. "I'm sorry I called you a bitch." He looked up at Clay. "I'm sorry I called you a fatass."

"And?" Clay said.

"I'm sorry I told Omi—" He took a sharp breath. "Oh crap, Omi."

"What did y'all say to him, anyway?" Clay asked.

"I'll explain later—oh man, I hope I can fix this—" Raimundo ran past Master Fung into the temple. After getting another encouraging nod from the elder, Clay and Kimiko followed.

True to his word, Omi had adorned the cloak from his last "long walk" in preparation for leaving. He met the three in the long corridor and cast a dark glare at Raimundo, who looked back frantically at Clay and Kimiko.

Clay shrugged. "Your turn, partner."

Rai stammered for a moment before looking back at the Dragon of Water. "Omi, look, I'm sorry."

"Apology not accepted. Step aside, please."

"I'm not moving until you hear me out. I wasn't myself then; I didn't mean anything I said."

"I am not interested in anything you have to say. I do not care."

Omi walked past Raimundo, who was staring down at his open palms as if they could somehow provide the answer to his problem. Then he took another sharp breath and said, "Yes, you do."

"I do not—"

Raimundo turned, but Omi still faced away from him. "If you didn't care what I think," said Raimundo, "then I wouldn't have been able to hurt your feelings in the first place. You would still be indifferent, but you're not. You're mad at me because I called you worthless and stupid."

"And I am neither!" Omi said, his head bent so Clay and Kimiko couldn't see his face. His knuckles were white from clutching the cloak so tightly.

"You're right, kid. Everything I said was dumb. I don't know why I acted like that, but I'm sorry."

Omi finally turned and looked up at them. His eyes were watery, and the gray was starting to disappear. He said in a small voice, "You do not really think I am a waste of space, do you?"

"No way, dude! Look, I might think some bad things about you sometimes, but you do the same about the rest of us, right? Don't answer that," he added, just as Omi opened his mouth to retort. "But that doesn't stop you from being our friend. And even when the rest of us do something stupid, like get discorded by a god of chaos, we're still your friends, too. Right?"

"My family, too." Omi sniffled, but the red in his robes and the yellow in his skin was vibrant when he smiled and said, "It seems that I was affected by Discord as well. Are we frosty once more?"

"Yeah, Omi, we're cool," Raimundo said, and the two bumped fists. As Kimiko hugged the bald monk, Clay smiled, knowing now that even a god of chaos could not stop them for long. No matter what forces of evil and chaos rose to face them, the forces of good would always prevail.

* * *

THE END!

This is my first completed fanfiction short story. Thank you so much to Lady Zahara, Pam, PLC the CD, Cupcakes11, BabyGurl365, Future Nekomata, and Guests! Your reviews and encouragement were the big reasons that it got finished in the first place!


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